I decided the best way to respond to the recent comments was to just write a post. First let me say...thank you, thank you for being open to my words. Tears came to my eyes after reading some of the comments realizing the power of Jesus Christ. Whether you disagree with where I'm coming from, you aren't exactly 'sure' if you agree or not, or if you completely and utterly agree, I appreciate and respect every single one of you for giving yourself a chance of possibility to change.
I realize it's a tough subject and definitely NOT easy to be honest about. I've seen this first hand with my husband. During his first marriage, his porn viewing escalated to a secret life that, as you probably know, ended his marriage. Because I was part of that reason, I also saw the devastation it brought to his wife, even though I'm sure I didn't witness the worst of it. I also have witnessed his relationship with his children deteriorate because of his decisions. Right now, he and I see them every other weekend for 1.5 hours. When we were still being "deceived" by our thoughts, contemplating our relationship and our future, he convinced himself he would be okay with being an "every other the weekend Dad"....he never even THOUGHT it would come to this....you just never know the extent to which your consequences will take you.
I say all this because it's not like I am different. It's not like I'm the person who's going to "change" him into something different and he all of the sudden will not want to look at porn again. Many wives/girlfriends make the 'wrong' assumption that even though their partner has looked at porn since he was an adolescent, he's all of the sudden going to be able to be perfectly faithful and never look at it again!! I'm sorry girls, if you're reading this, it doesn't quite work that perfectly. These men have made a habit, and we all know how hard habits are to break, especially if they turn into addictions.
My husband was unfaithful to me by viewing pornography but one thing was different...he had seen what devastation his behavior had caused his family and actually wanted help. This is the first step. (By the way...if you're wondering or confused about how I could be okay with doing a pornographic website while my husband was trying to overcome his struggles....that's a whole other blog post!! Remind me to write about it if it doesn't come soon!) So...I did what any other fiance would do....I watched him like a hawk! I checked his bank accounts every day, e-mail, phone bills, cable bills, downloading sites, cookies, and at his request, I took the only computer we owned (laptop) out of the house every single time he was to be left home alone!!!! I was crazy fiance, woman trying to control her every fiance's move!!! So guess what happened when I found out he looked at porn? I was DEVASTATED! I cried and balled and screamed and gave him the silent treatment and wondering whhhhyyyyyy?????
Well, Damien still had some learning to do and by the way, it doesn't happen as soon as you'd EVER like it to. Even though he had taken the first step by accepting the fact that he wanted change, it was only the first step! A big mistake men and women partners make is they think it's the only step that needs to be taken. Bottom line: when you are used to looking at pornography and you like looking at pornography and you want to look at pornography, you have a much deeper issue than just deciding to stop. Ladies, no guilt trip is going to make him stop. nothing. "Don't you think about me and the kids while you're looking at that S*&T?!"....the answer is no and please don't be heartbroken by it. I know it's hard to understand but it's actually not personal, it's habitual...they have been practicing for years to block out the people that they care about when they're in that place. Anyway, I could address the ladies for hours but as far as I know, I have no female readers so for now ladies, pray pray PRAY for your significant other in this area!
I digress...I'm telling you about my husband because it truly does affect me to hear what you're all going through because I feel I can identify just by watching what my husband went through .....and guess what.....he still is. For those of you who are 'on for the ride' and didn't even know you were getting on one, please be patient with yourself and understand that I believe this is a life long struggle for some men. First of all, addressing those that have taken the first step to wanting change, get someone to hold yourself accountable. For the first year or so of our marriage that person was me, but I don't recommend that for most couples. If it's not your significant other, find a friend, a mentor, a pastor, a men's group that meets once a week, someone and reach out to them. They're not going to call you....call them....open up and be honest! But first...be honest with yourself. Second, once you have that person, install a program onto your computer. The best one I've found is Convenant Eyes, http://www.covenanteyes.com/. We have this installed on our computer. Why is this important? Your accountability person will be able to see what sites you visit. Try, if possible, to have someone view your reports that you almost feel uncomfortable giving it to. If that isn't enough, they also have a filtered version that actually filters certain sites that it will not allow you to even go to. This would be a good option if you do not have an accountability person yet.
Third and probably the hardest one...if you're married and your wife doesn't even know your looking at pornography....create a 'safe' environment for yourself and tell her. What's safe? Well, if you're wife isn't the type of person to yell and scream, I'd say you could probably tell her with just the two of you. If she's not, possibly have someone there that she'd be comfortable with or a counselor. But just know this...just because you have made "realizations" and are almost positive about your recent 'willingness to change'...don't forget that she might not be right on board and happy-go-lucky. She's most likely going to feel hurt and you need to let her feel that hurt, but do not, do not, do not, do not allow that to keep you from doing what you need to do to better yourself. You will become a better husband, a better father, and a better individual and she will thank you later for being courageous.
Now to those who aren't quite there yet and possibly not at all. I still want to hear your thoughts. I still want to know your opinions and I truly and honestly only ask that you're open to suggestions.
I'm reading that some readers are wrestling with whether looking at Dawson is a bad thing or not. Maybe you look and feel guilty or are feeling guilty just because you found my blog. I assume the hardest thing about it is the fact that you enjoy looking. So obviously, it's hard to be brutally honest about something you enjoy if it could potentially mean stopping that behavior. Well....it's okay to feel these things. It's okay to argue with yourself and healthily with others...that's how you grow. But...if you do slightly feel that pulling feeling...that nagging feeling that you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, don't ignore that. You are feeling that for a reason and once you've made a realization..it's not okay to keep making excuses for yourself because of enjoyment. I'm sorry...I know you don't want to acknowledge that...I know it sucks...but I promise the outcome is worth it.
Thank you again for all of your comments and for continuing to come back to read my blog.
I realize it's a tough subject and definitely NOT easy to be honest about. I've seen this first hand with my husband. During his first marriage, his porn viewing escalated to a secret life that, as you probably know, ended his marriage. Because I was part of that reason, I also saw the devastation it brought to his wife, even though I'm sure I didn't witness the worst of it. I also have witnessed his relationship with his children deteriorate because of his decisions. Right now, he and I see them every other weekend for 1.5 hours. When we were still being "deceived" by our thoughts, contemplating our relationship and our future, he convinced himself he would be okay with being an "every other the weekend Dad"....he never even THOUGHT it would come to this....you just never know the extent to which your consequences will take you.
I say all this because it's not like I am different. It's not like I'm the person who's going to "change" him into something different and he all of the sudden will not want to look at porn again. Many wives/girlfriends make the 'wrong' assumption that even though their partner has looked at porn since he was an adolescent, he's all of the sudden going to be able to be perfectly faithful and never look at it again!! I'm sorry girls, if you're reading this, it doesn't quite work that perfectly. These men have made a habit, and we all know how hard habits are to break, especially if they turn into addictions.
My husband was unfaithful to me by viewing pornography but one thing was different...he had seen what devastation his behavior had caused his family and actually wanted help. This is the first step. (By the way...if you're wondering or confused about how I could be okay with doing a pornographic website while my husband was trying to overcome his struggles....that's a whole other blog post!! Remind me to write about it if it doesn't come soon!) So...I did what any other fiance would do....I watched him like a hawk! I checked his bank accounts every day, e-mail, phone bills, cable bills, downloading sites, cookies, and at his request, I took the only computer we owned (laptop) out of the house every single time he was to be left home alone!!!! I was crazy fiance, woman trying to control her every fiance's move!!! So guess what happened when I found out he looked at porn? I was DEVASTATED! I cried and balled and screamed and gave him the silent treatment and wondering whhhhyyyyyy?????
Well, Damien still had some learning to do and by the way, it doesn't happen as soon as you'd EVER like it to. Even though he had taken the first step by accepting the fact that he wanted change, it was only the first step! A big mistake men and women partners make is they think it's the only step that needs to be taken. Bottom line: when you are used to looking at pornography and you like looking at pornography and you want to look at pornography, you have a much deeper issue than just deciding to stop. Ladies, no guilt trip is going to make him stop. nothing. "Don't you think about me and the kids while you're looking at that S*&T?!"....the answer is no and please don't be heartbroken by it. I know it's hard to understand but it's actually not personal, it's habitual...they have been practicing for years to block out the people that they care about when they're in that place. Anyway, I could address the ladies for hours but as far as I know, I have no female readers so for now ladies, pray pray PRAY for your significant other in this area!
I digress...I'm telling you about my husband because it truly does affect me to hear what you're all going through because I feel I can identify just by watching what my husband went through .....and guess what.....he still is. For those of you who are 'on for the ride' and didn't even know you were getting on one, please be patient with yourself and understand that I believe this is a life long struggle for some men. First of all, addressing those that have taken the first step to wanting change, get someone to hold yourself accountable. For the first year or so of our marriage that person was me, but I don't recommend that for most couples. If it's not your significant other, find a friend, a mentor, a pastor, a men's group that meets once a week, someone and reach out to them. They're not going to call you....call them....open up and be honest! But first...be honest with yourself. Second, once you have that person, install a program onto your computer. The best one I've found is Convenant Eyes, http://www.covenanteyes.com/. We have this installed on our computer. Why is this important? Your accountability person will be able to see what sites you visit. Try, if possible, to have someone view your reports that you almost feel uncomfortable giving it to. If that isn't enough, they also have a filtered version that actually filters certain sites that it will not allow you to even go to. This would be a good option if you do not have an accountability person yet.
Third and probably the hardest one...if you're married and your wife doesn't even know your looking at pornography....create a 'safe' environment for yourself and tell her. What's safe? Well, if you're wife isn't the type of person to yell and scream, I'd say you could probably tell her with just the two of you. If she's not, possibly have someone there that she'd be comfortable with or a counselor. But just know this...just because you have made "realizations" and are almost positive about your recent 'willingness to change'...don't forget that she might not be right on board and happy-go-lucky. She's most likely going to feel hurt and you need to let her feel that hurt, but do not, do not, do not, do not allow that to keep you from doing what you need to do to better yourself. You will become a better husband, a better father, and a better individual and she will thank you later for being courageous.
Now to those who aren't quite there yet and possibly not at all. I still want to hear your thoughts. I still want to know your opinions and I truly and honestly only ask that you're open to suggestions.
I'm reading that some readers are wrestling with whether looking at Dawson is a bad thing or not. Maybe you look and feel guilty or are feeling guilty just because you found my blog. I assume the hardest thing about it is the fact that you enjoy looking. So obviously, it's hard to be brutally honest about something you enjoy if it could potentially mean stopping that behavior. Well....it's okay to feel these things. It's okay to argue with yourself and healthily with others...that's how you grow. But...if you do slightly feel that pulling feeling...that nagging feeling that you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, don't ignore that. You are feeling that for a reason and once you've made a realization..it's not okay to keep making excuses for yourself because of enjoyment. I'm sorry...I know you don't want to acknowledge that...I know it sucks...but I promise the outcome is worth it.
Thank you again for all of your comments and for continuing to come back to read my blog.
16 comments:
A woman’s body is inspiring to a man, in a way that women will never be able to understand fully. Possibly in the same way that men can’t understand what it’s like to want and need to be a mother.
However, some men can’t seem to handle porn- especially when it's on tap for free in their own home. This is the same way some people can’t handle alcohol, sugar cravings, episodes of the the sopranos. In my previous profession as a personal trainer, I saw it all the time. Those things overtake them. I (unfortunately) know that my sister-in-law's boyfriend has a problem and will spend hours and days "watching" porn. He also has had a problem with alcohol.
It’s about knowing your limits- without keeping yourself in a self-limiting, fear-based comfort zone. If something is exciting to you, and there is clearly no victim, it is a form of prudishness to abstain. It’s even worse to decide that its "bad" for other people (judge not lest ye be judged etc). I personally think that is entry-level spirituality, based on fear and guilt.
I interpret Jesus saying "don’t hide you light under a bushel basket" to mean in part, be your true self. And this leads to my main point: I think that you have a kind of star quality that you should not deny, but find a way to express and enjoy! I also think that you look genuinely excited in those photos. But, it is was outside of your comfort zone, so clearly it was time to at least reassess what you were doing. You are built very much like my wife. Hopefully that doesn’t sound creepy, because it actually makes me more attracted to my wife, and she would likely be flattered by the comparison to you. (And really I feel that the level you went to was quite innocent- unless you live in Saudi Arabia.)
I think that you should try to be creative and find another outlet with your talent... (I don't think you are damaged goods out there either.)
You may have heard of the book "you can heal your life" http://www.amazon.com/You-Heal-Your-Life-Gift/dp/1561706280
I think that if you haven’t, you should check it out. It’s not overtly Christian, but will probably strengthen your Christian faith. It’s been very helpful to me and many others.
I don't know if this is actually you or not, but this is an amazing site. I'm glad that, even if this is fake, that you are here saying these amazing words. I have been addicted to pornography ever since I was 14, and it has been a struggle to overcome that part of my life.
One thing I would definitely like to say to you, Justine, is that God is forgiving. Everyone is a sinner, and no sin is bigger than another in God's eyes. As my pastor once told me, stealing CD's, cussing, and killing people are all equal because not one sin is worse than another. All you can do is pray to God and ask for forgiveness. He loves you, and He loves me. I feel like I'm never deserving of His love, but God is always there for us. I know this seems jumbled, but I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Just try to let this go, and not only understand that God forgives you, but you should also forgive yourself. It sounds like something that you struggle with.
I don't know you, but I would just like to say that I love you for your kind words and your goal of helping people from this horrible mess that is porn.
justine, my name is Mark, and I Brazileiro living in cidadizinha call Barretos, knew his work as "dawson miller", and went by Facinas OQ way, today I am taking the purchasing of a woman known for her character, and I am even more adimirado. forse their determination of will and the way you see the hypocrisy Facinas me, I would further conhecela and I would be very happy and we can have contact, even q by your blog, a big hug, congratulations for who you are, and since ja obrigado.
Kent,
Thank you for your comment...it conjured up some thought. I confess that I am no man and therefore obviously do not know EXACTLY why and how men are so attracted to porn (some women too). All I can do is ask the questions and live through my own experiences. It does depend soley on the person..how far are they taking it. But again I do feel it comes back to that gray line...is looking at porn once a week the same as looking at it all day, every day? It seems as though you're saying as long as it's "under control" and no one's getting hurt, it's okay. It's a tough one to think about.
You mentioned that I looked genuinely excited in my photos and I wouldn't suggest that I wasn't in some of them.
But I do believe I was being deceived by money, selfishness, and ignorance. When I've been deceived in the past, especially when I was pursuing a relationship with my now husband, what's so strange is when you look back at those times and you can't even fathom how you convinced yourself so strongly to do something like that.
Thank you for your compliment...about me having a "star quality" - It does remind me of that verse you are talking about with Jesus...He's speaking about us being the "light of the world"....a "city that cannot be hidden"- I would love nothing more than with all of the s**t that I've done wrong, with all of the people out there that just want to talk bad about me...that my story and any man's struggle can still have that "star quality", a light that cannot be hidden because of what God has blessed us with. Jesus, as you said, doesn't want us to hide our light under a basket, but put it out there!...So that it gives light to all those who see it.
TinyVessels- Hah! This is no one else but the true Justine Tullier. If it were fake, that person would've known me very well! Thank you for your words of encouragement. What I struggle with most is being so passionate about what I feel I've learned...and just figuring out the best ways to get it out there!! :)
Justine - I want to to try and constructively try and offer another viewpoint to some of the comments on your blog.
Trust. It is defined as a "Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing." You mention that you have had to check your husbands email accounts, cable bills, check his websites, install spyware, and take the computer out of the house - these are not normal behaviors in a healthy relationship. They indicate a serious lack of trust in your partner, and that is something you are always going to worry about in the back of your mind, and it will only cause you unhappiness. They also sound like steps a husband agrees to, who is just trying to appease his wife. I mean, if you cannot sit down and have a real conservation with him, explain how you feel about the topic, and reach a conclusion on behavior changes, that he completely buys into, where you are both satisfied and trusting in each other - then there are larger problems at play here. Without firmly establishing that baseline of trust, it will always be something. If not Internet porn, it will be something else you worry about - late nights at work, an overnight field trip with his school, a plane trip to see his friends for the weekend, that unknown phone number that called 3 times the other night, the weird charges on the credit cards. I can't imagine having to live in a relationship where you are constantly on the lookout like that - that is not real happiness, and I feel bad if that is how you have to live.
Now if your husband has a real problem with addiction, then it needs treatment. Real treatment, and therapy, and trust - not spyware or you running around checking bills or taking computers away from him. Those are just band-aids to the real problem, and he is either going to take serious steps to address the issues, or he isn't.
I am not suggesting that someone abandon the one they love in a time of need, or give up in a rough spot, or not having faith that things could get better. But remember, the most important person in your relationship for you, is YOU. If you cannot be in a healthy situation where you are happy and satisfied and trusting in your partner...well it makes one wonder if you are in the right situation to begin with. No faith or beliefs should keep a person in a less-than-great relationship. The behavior you describe is not normal.
All that said, the people here read tiny snippets of your thoughts, and have almost no greater visibility into your real life or the events in it.
As far as the other stuff - I read a little bit about this Jacobs-Tullier situation, and I really do feel bad for what you have to go through. The unfortunate and ironic part, is that it seems like the same "faith" and "religious morals" that so many of us find comfort in, lead people to harshly judge others, and treat them in terrible fashion that runs counter to the very faith they claim to believe in. That is sad to watch, and terrible for you to have to go through.
Lastly, on the photoshoots you did, I wonder - so what? You are a beautiful young woman, who made a choice (for whatever reasons - does it matter?) to share the image of your body in that way. They seem to have been tastefully done, were not explicit, and someone not judging you on hypocritical terms would have a hard time explaining how they are any different than some of the greatest art masterpieces in history, which depict nude men and women. You mention that it had lasting consequences - sure, but doesn't everything we do? If you hadn't done the photos, hadn't met your husband, and instead maybe had a college boyfriend and accidently got pregnant - that certainly has consequences. Or had a little too much to drink and got a DUI? Or went to one college versus another. Or choose Buddhism over Christianity. Or any number of other life-changing decisions that one makes all the time. The point is, the choices (whether judged to be good or bad after the fact) are what make us who we are. We should look back and learn from what we did, but any more time spent on it than that, is just wasting the precious short time we have on this earth. We are imperfect beings in an imperfect world, and as long as we make the best decisions we can at the time and do what each of us feel is right - well, religion aside, I think that is exactly what God intended for each of us. Love and accept yourself, decisions and all, and you will be doing right by him.
Good luck,
Chris
I find this fascinating and have a few questions. The documentary video doesn't seem to be working for me, so my apologies if these have already been addressed through some other means:
What was the payment structure for the website? Did you get a flat fee, royalties, or both? If royalties, are you still receiving money from it, and if so, how do you reconcile that with your faith and/or principles?
You mentioned an interest in acting. Would you accept a role in a movie if offered? What if that role included an incidental nude/topless scene (a minor fraction of the whole movie)? Would you accept and do the scene, request a body double, or decline on a matter of principle?
You mentioned looking for a job? Is there/was there any concern that someone might offer you a job for the wrong reasons (for anything from "I hired Dawson Miller" bragging rights to partially satisfying some infatuation)?
You mentioned that you do not want Damien to look at pornography. How do you feel about him looking at nude pictures of you, either from the Dawson Miller website or other personal pictures the two of you may share? What if you "caught" him looking at it to satisfy himself (presumably because it would be easier than to try to get you in the mood)? Are you ok with that, or would it be just as devastating?
Have you considered forging your past and educational background via public speaking? Either as a motivational speaker or speaking on behalf of a cause, you have had some unique (or at least rare) experiences and lessons learned which are becoming increasing relevant in this modern, highly sexualized world. You may be able to use this blog of yours as a jumping off point for such an endeavor (although I don't know how you'd initiate that sort of thing...maybe write a book?).
Justine- As I re-read my comment, I cringe a little. I still agree with it for the most part, but it seems defensive- which I suppose I am somewhat. I appreciate your open mindedness and you make some good points for me to think about.
Do you categorize swimsuit or lingerie with softcore/nude? And what do you mean by "deceived in the past" exactly?
Justine, just want to keep saying I am proud of you! Keep fighting. The Lord will bless you. The enemy is a liar. I am sitting here in victory right now. And, am more convinced than ever that the only naked body I want to see if my eventual wife's. I know this will be a daily fight, but I also know the battle is the Lord's.
I deleted all of my porn and links today and downloaded for free:
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/index.php
This is a free filter that allows you to have great control over what content gets filtered and allows the "administrator" to view what sites were attempted to visit.
Right now, I am my own administrator, but since this is an online service, I feel accountable already to the K9 people.
You are right, this is an addiction. And, just as it took months and years to build, I am aware without divine intervention that it is going to take some time to heal.
And, I have to say to the guys on here still trying to justifying looking at porn. We are lying to ourselves, plain and simple. Sex is beautiful and is meant to bring people closer in a marriage relationship. Anything else is a counterfeit. And, I am sorry, but I don't think my eventual wife would find me very attractive hunched over my laptop with my eyes glazedly lusting over another's woman's body while I selfishly take care of myself. Let's face it...just not attractive.
Justine, weird that you would be one of the main helpers in getting me out of this lie, but the Lord works in mysterious ways.
As I have written before, I am praying for you. You please pray for me. I feel like an alcoholic in that I am taking this one day at a time. And, just glad that right now, I am in victory. I pray for the day I can lay this down at the Lord's feet and FINALLY leave it there. Amen to that!
So, take care, you and your husband and no the battle is the Lord's.
Warm Regards,
A friend from the South
Justine, just want to keep saying I am proud of you! Keep fighting. The Lord will bless you. The enemy is a liar. I am sitting here in victory right now. And, am more convinced than ever that the only naked body I want to see if my eventual wife's. I know this will be a daily fight, but I also know the battle is the Lord's.
I deleted all of my porn and links today and downloaded for free:
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/index.php
This is a free filter that allows you to have great control over what content gets filtered and allows the "administrator" to view what sites were attempted to visit.
Right now, I am my own administrator, but since this is an online service, I feel accountable already to the K9 people.
You are right, this is an addiction. And, just as it took months and years to build, I am aware without divine intervention that it is going to take some time to heal.
And, I have to say to the guys on here still trying to justifying looking at porn. We are lying to ourselves, plain and simple. Sex is beautiful and is meant to bring people closer in a marriage relationship. Anything else is a counterfeit. And, I am sorry, but I don't think my eventual wife would find me very attractive hunched over my laptop with my eyes glazedly lusting over another's woman's body while I selfishly take care of myself. Let's face it...just not attractive.
Justine, weird that you would be one of the main helpers in getting me out of this lie, but the Lord works in mysterious ways.
As I have written before, I am praying for you. You please pray for me. I feel like an alcoholic in that I am taking this one day at a time. And, just glad that right now, I am in victory. I pray for the day I can lay this down at the Lord's feet and FINALLY leave it there. Amen to that!
So, take care, you and your husband and no the battle is the Lord's.
Warm Regards,
A friend from the South
Chris,
Thank you for your sincerity and concern that you feel for my life and relationship. I would like to clarify a couple things. When I was talking about going crazy over my husband looking at porn, I was referring to the mistake “most women” make, including myself when we don’t know any better. You’re right…such behavior is unhealthy. It even got to a point where I would watch pornography with him. But of course, that’s just like allowing your alcoholic husband to drink only with you…you’re only fueling the fire and it ended up being extremely evident that it wasn’t helping the situation whatsoever. My husband and I, individually and together, have been in therapy for quite a few years now…for many different reasons, but all of course for the benefit of our marriage. I praise God and can proudly say that we have come a long way, yet humbly know we still have a life of learning ahead of us.
I do know we have come to the healthy behaviors of a relationship with a husband who struggles with looking at internet pornography and a past that can easily be used against each other. There is that trust that you speak of, but any trust that has been broken needs time to be mended and built back up. However, some things are still required in order to keep that healthy stability. Most of these requirements are suggested by professionals and are agreed upon by Damien or myself and they are meant to help keep both of us accountable to our actions. Because of our dedication to making our marriage work and truly wanting to better ourselves as individuals, I am witnessing first hand one of the most incredible experiences in my life and even in lives of those around me. Our relationship is truly rewarding, believe it or not. It’s just taken some time to get to where we are.
For your last question, what’s so wrong with my pictures? Please see my recent post titled, “A Gray Part of Life”.
Thanks again for your thoughts.
Kent- I admire your open mind as well. We're defensive human beings :) All that counts is we're able to humble ourselves....the faster the better !!
My friend from the South- If I got one positive post like yours in my blogs entire 'career', this would all be worth it! Praise God for your realizations and keep Him close to help you in your future. It's not easy but you got it! You got that God has a better plan for your life. Take the necessary steps and even when you feel "strong", take those same steps anyway. We can never be too careful with ourselves - it's worth the attention.
You brought up a great point about how unattractive it is to a woman..your wife or your future wife! Your future wife will be blessed because of the decisions you've made before her :)
Thank you for your prayers.
You are right, this is an addiction. And, just as it took months and years to build, I am aware without divine intervention that it is going to take some time to heal....
...Justine, weird that you would be one of the main helpers in getting me out of this lie, but the Lord works in mysterious ways.
As I have written before, I am praying for you. You please pray for me. I feel like an alcoholic in that I am taking this one day at a time. And, just glad that right now, I am in victory. I pray for the day I can lay this down at the Lord's feet and FINALLY leave it there. Amen to that!
Amen indeed! The quote is worth repeating. :-) I agree with every word.
I'm still reeling and my head is still spinning over how God has led me here, in the most strangest way too. Although we know we are not the only ones in the world dealing with this addiction, we, at least I, sometimes feel the problem is unique to ourselves.
Reading everyone's comments assures me it's not.
Knowing how tough this has been for you, Justine,laying is all out on the line, proves to me this;
The best solution is to deal with it head on and rely heavily on the One and only Lord, who is in control of all things great and small.
So enough talk about prayer; lets just do it!
Dear LORD,
We thank You for Your Wisdom and Your compassion. We acknowledge that without You, none of this healing can ever be accomplished on our own. You tell us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
You also tell us that where there are two or three (or more)of us gathered together in Your name, You are in the midst of us. You hear us and You honor our prayers.
I pray that you use Justine, her hubby and this blog as a mighty ministry to help those of us who are desperately trying to get out from under the spell and clutches of the Evil One.
I pray that you keep Justine firmly under the umbrella of Your protection and guide her as she desires to help those and herself who struggle with this addiction on a daily basis.
We thank You for Your Gracious gift of faith and salvation through the blood of You Son.
We ask this all in the precious name of Jesus.
Amen.
Justine,
Your website Dawsonmiller.com is still posting updates. I just happen to know that these "updates" are merely repeats of earlier sets shown. Is this driven by you or beyond your control?
Fred
Fred,
The web masters of the site have decided to recycle the material. This is beyond my control and I have no legal rights to stop it.
Thanks for asking,
Justine
Just a couple of things to comment on...
Number one, in regards to your original post on this thread, you DO have several women readers...and I'm one of them! I've also passed on this blog to other women I know who are struggling in their relationships with porn. You should try to remember that just because women are not posting doesn't mean they aren't reading. Women have been conditioned by society to believe that if their "man" views porn (especially in secret), it equals a failure on their part. Failure to keep their man interested, failure to control, failure to provoke honesty and openness, etc etc. Thus, women are ASHAMED much of the time, and don't even talk about it with friends or family, much less on a public forum. So keep your female readers in mind here, too! We need you!
Second, have you considered allowing Damien some role in this blog? If it's a primary goal of yours to reach out to men, I think it would be very beneficial for him to relate to these men AS a man, who has struggled with the same things. Men think very differently from women, and sometimes it takes another man to say just the right thing that sparks that ephiphany. Another benefit to allowing your husband some visibility on the blog is that it helps the men here to see you as a WIFE and person trying to reach out...not as a porn star. I know what your intentions of this blog are, but as we know, there are lots of men out there that would use this blog as just another way to explore "Dawson" more intamatly. It might be a good idea to discourage any infatuation or idealism on this level by giving Damien a presence here in the blog...even if it's just to drop by now and again. Besides, the journey is not yours alone, and in all truth, the realizations and truths that God has brought you through have come much as a product of your growing marriage. I think it's important to recognize and honor that, so that others can relate, and see how God's love within the bonds of marriage can conquer even the most vile addictions, compulsions, and sins.
Proud of you!!!!
Thank you so much for what you do. I have been attending a men's group for a while now, and have a filter on my laptop. I'm taking online classes from Liberty University in pursuit of my history degree and teacher licensure, and with online classes a filter helps.
Anyway, I started getting weak with the stress of working and studying both full time, and I searched in vain to try to find something sexual through the filter. I found something about Dawson Miller... and was directed here. I began to read, cry, and called a guy from my men's group to pray with me over the phone. I don't have NEARLY the problem with pornography that I use to, but it feels that the struggle is never over. I suppose it must be like being an alcoholic - I always have to monitor my thought habits with how I think of girls, and I have to be strategic, because relapse is all too easy. Being directed here was helpful.
Anyway, have you ever read any of the following books: "Every Man's Battle", "Every Young Man's Battle", and "Wild At Heart"? Those are some really good books that have been helpful to me.
Lastly, as a history major, let me share this with you - it's from a reenactor site:
"Encouraging Words in Appreciation of the Ladies:
It has been well acknowledged by persons of discernment throughout history that of all the visible creation, God has blessed none with so much beauty as he has woman. This alone would be cause enough for great admiration, yet when woman adds to physical beauty such treasures as the beauty of good character; nobility, grace, generosity, affability, and discretion, along with intelligence, taste, wit and a sense of style, then she is a higher work of art indeed. It is no hidden thing that women have great influence over men. A low woman may be able to reduce a low man to the level of a swine. But a true lady has the ability to lift, inspire and ennoble a good man toward chivalry, gentlemanly ideals and greatness itself.
Ladies, do polish your physical beauty and allow it to shine, recognizing that your attire does matter, yet take even greater heed to the development of those qualities which will bring depth to beauty's luster. When you have done this you will discover great power in making use of all to inspire the good men around you to higher levels of their own."
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