Sunday, July 19, 2009

Clarification

"I'm curious if this has been addressed in your blog anywhere:

(removed link)

I haven't read most of the blog (there's a lot to read), and you seem to address your former porn career well; I just haven't heard anything on this, about how you had an affair with a married man, much less your high school teacher.

Once again, I've only skimmed this blog. If you've already addressed this issue, please point me there. I'm only being critical if you've decided to leave out this detail of your life and portray yourself exclusively as a victim."

This was a comment I received. I thought it was important to share, but I could not "approve" the post entirely because of the link that was included in the comment. Basically, as you can probably tell, the link was to a document that someone took the time to make of pictures of myself (prior to and including Dawson pics), pictures of Damien, and a whole low-down of our life...our story. I am not ashamed to show this information, however, I do know that some of you come here knowing that there will be no temptation in your way. Therefore, I will not and cannot post links that can lead you to those possible temptations.

Now onto the rest of the comment:
First to the commentator - I mention bits and pieces of this time in my life through out my blog. I go into further detail in a few areas of which I will mention. First, on the right hand side of the homepage of my blog, there are a few links to "My Story" where you will find very abbreviated autobiographies about many stages of my life.
Second, the main posts that come to mind where I specifically talk about me and Damien's past are "Willing to Grow" and "Tristan and Isolde". I hope these readings will provide you with some insight.

My hope and prayer is that for any of you who regularly read the blog and keep up with the posts, is that you can see Damien and I have seen first hand and have dealt with (and will continue to deal with) the hurt that we have caused other people. This covers from the moment we first had an inappropriate conversation to the last pornographic photograph I took. (I say that because the time in between is what I consider a 'phase' in my life). We are not perfect and there are still very close people to us out there who are still not 'okay' with us. We continue to work on those relationships.

I hope I do a good job explaining where our 'turn-around' started...and it really was that moment we watched Tristan and Isolde (see this post) that we truly and honestly FULLY realized the extent to which we were wrong and how crucial it was to start living our lives differently. (Up until this point, we continued to justify our actions with the love we had for each other)

All that said...this blog is titled "Outside But In Porn" because it was always meant for me to talk about my experiences inside the porn industry, how brief that may be, and how my life is now affected afterward. I understand my relationship with Damien and is and should be a point of focus and you all may ask as MANY questions as you need to about that. However, it is not the primary focus of this blog.

Also...I just wanted to touch on one more thing...........I'm not sure how to formulate my words, but...I do not feel and therefore hope I do not express myself as being a victim of the porn industry.

I made a decision; a decision to take part in a solo girl nude website. I am now confronting life in a very, very different way than most people due to this decision. I feel it is my responsibility to communicate my experiences because they are so diverse and unique. It is a privilege for one of my consequences to be to talk to men about their struggles with porn to somehow understand a topic so epidemic, yet so unknown and secret. If anyone is a victim, it is the men that are bombarded with countless 'sexified' material a day and the women who are now objectified because of it.

I hope this has allowed some clarification.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am reminded of the Gospel According to John (chpt 8, 3-11)where Christ is confronted by a group of pharisees who have caught an adulterous woman in the act. They wish to stone her. He tells
them: "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." And they slunk away living Our Lord alone with the woman.

When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the
woman, He said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers
of yours? Has no one condemned you?"
She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said to her,
"Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."

Justine, you have always been and will always be precious in our Lord's sight. I will remember you in my prayers and hope that He will lighten this burden you carry.