I have my days.....weeks....moments.I have weaknesses.
Sometimes I feel hopeless. Godless.
Some of you have mentioned that you think I'm doing the "God Thing" so every day must be great and glorious!! Some of you feel my attitude is flippant...."been there, done that, over it, found Jesus, I LOVE JESUS!"
......following Jesus is a simple understanding...meaning...the Gospel is simple...but it's not easy and it was never meant to be easy.
I just...for whatever reason want to encourage you in your daily grind. Your life.
This porn stuff.....it's tough. It's tough to talk about, it's tough to be honest about.
But every day life?? Now, that's tough.....from the moment you open your eyes in the morning, to stopping to get that coffee, the conversations you hold with people...the red lights, traffic jams, bad attitudes.......pleasing your boss or wishing you had one due to the economy........coming home to a chaotic house with a stressed out spouse..........just....never feeling like you can do enough to just catch up in life..................................................
that's a real struggle.
Sometimes we just need to unwind...rewind...refocus.
Well.
What if you don't get a chance to do that? What if you lose yourself in your every day life...and then you slip?
I think we just need to encourage each other..right? The bottom line is- we all slip.
So.....if you've slipped lately----get up.
GET UP.
Wipe the floor so you don't slip again.
Take your time to refocus.
And get back to your grind...maybe even with a new perspective.
:)
7 comments:
Francis Schaeffer once wrote:
"If Christianity is really true, then it involves the whole man, including his intellect and creativeness. Christianity is not just "dogmatically" true or "doctrinally" true. Rather, it is true to what is there, true in the whole area of the whole man in all of life."
C.S. Lewis remarks something similar in his book "Mere Christianity" as well. All the great Christian heroes have stated what you have discovered, 'tis not easy to swim upstream against the wiles of the flesh and the world. It involves the whole man, every day, all day... for life.
We...nay...I need constant encouragement, prayer and love. If I may be so presumptions, I would say so do you, so do your readers. I offer you two simple words: "Keep On"
Down in the Valley
how interesting...did you know that you and the other Internet models such as Sarah Sexton, Karla Spice, and True Tere were actually my inspirations for getting into the adult industry here in the Philippines? I'm kind of retired myself--no more movies but I still do nude shoots now and then--and none of my work ever made it online (as far as I know).
I think I'm going to enjoy reading your blog and dropping you a line from time to time.
Your Blog reminds me a lot of the song Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y944YxuE1OU
"it was really a song about perspective and how it’s not your life, but how you choose to look at your life." - Ken Block
You should listen to their music... it can be the most inspiring music in the world... At least it is for me.
Justine,
I appreciate the call to "get up". As a recovering porn/sex addict, I certainly have and still do play the role of prodigal son a number of times. I have a few friendly suggestions for the blog. This is blog is not your job and your generous heart is the reason it is existing so it's not really a criticism, more of a vision.
I would like to see your opinion on things like that new VH1 show with Dr. Drew called "sex rehab", your thoughts on 12-step SAA groups and the "green book", stories about famous Christians who battled womanizing/lust such as the great theologian Augustine, ex porn stars struggle with conversion like Linda Lovelace, your opinion on the scandal that the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual doesn't list sex addiction as a disorder, your take on the profit motive of porn and the large amount of $ hotels and fortune 500 companies are making off of it. Maybe more sharing from you about exactly what type of $ you made, your thoughts on 2001 debate at Oxford that Jenna Jameson was to attend in which the merits of porn defeated the anti-porn activists 204-27 (tragic)...., debate between Ron Jeremy and Harvard grad Susan Cole about porn held at the University of Florida in 2005, and stuff like that. Just some thoughts off the top of my head.
I would like to see a little more of your opinions of current events precisely about the topic of sex/porn addiction. It's neat to hear about Josh Hamilton's story, but he is not a sex addict. I would rather hear about David Duchovny, Charlie Sheen, Eric Benet (Halle Berry's ex), Billy Bob Thornton, etc who struggle with sex addiction. I liked your suggestion of Pamela Paul's book that I read 3 years ago, that was cool.
Anyway thanks for all your efforts and inspiration. You and all connected to this blog are in my prayers.
Ben F.
Justine,
I cannot thank you enough for publishing this blog and for sharing your story, your heart, your weaknesses, your struggles, and yes... the victories as well.
I found your site today by doing an internet search on the psychological impact of working in the porn industry. That was the exact phrase.
I devoured most of your blog entries today, skimming some and reading every word of others.
You have inspired me to face my problem. I was teetering on the edge of it already, which was why I even ran the search to begin with... but reading this and finding (through your link) Joe Dallas and his wife Renee have really helped me.
Thank you for sharing. It helps me tremendously to know just how much of a sham Dawson Miller really was. Ironically, there was always something in your eyes when I looked at those pictures that made me believe that you were a Christian. I feel terrible even revealing that I've seen those pictures. I never joined, but did see the previews. I'm sorry to tell you that I have seen them.
Knowing now more about who the real Justine is and also seeing your authenticity as you've talked about your own life, how that site happened, your regrets about it, as well as your relationship with your husband... it really, really helps.
It gives me hope that perhaps my own wife (who is recovering from sexual abuse) can perhaps eventually really reach a place of wholeness.
Today I took a first step. I started a blog about my own situation. It's a baby step. Lord knows I'm scared...
The main reason I'm so scared is... I haven't told her. In fact, quite the opposite: I've hidden and lied to her about my addiction.
I'm truly bewildered about what to do. I don't want to hurt her, and I want to be free.
Thank you for doing this. And thank you, Damien, for supporting your wife through this and for facing your own struggles as well.
Justine, I find your story fascinating on a personal level, but as a PR person for the past twenty years I can't help but wonder why you haven't leveraged (is that too crude a word?) this narrative into something more. Have you approached major media? Book publishers? The twists and turns sound like a Lifetime movie. More than that, your story plays out as a moral "passion play" for young women to follow and learn from.
The fact is, you can't escape your past; none of us can. In your case, sadly, the past is forever captured in 1's and 0's for someone to profit from, virtually guaranteeing its long life. So why not turn the tables on them on a grander scale? Seriously, a book is a natural for you, followed by a round of major media that lean conservative.
You should think about. Good luck to you.
I wouldn't consider what you did as pornography. Nude modeling, yes, but not pornography. At least of what I have seen. To me, nude videos/photos don't constitute sexually explicit pornography.
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