Ok, I know how bad the economy is. WE ALL know how bad the economy is- part of me thinks it’s bad because everyone is telling everyone the economy is bad. I refuse to think about how ‘awful’ things are. Things are the way they are and I might as well be positive about what I have! Even though it’s hard for everyone to find jobs right now…I’m having sort of a ‘different/difficult’ time finding one for myself.
Since December, I’ve been searching for a full-time position. I’ve applied to many, many companies and usually never hear a response. But finding the right position for what I would LIKE to do is becoming frustrating. First of all, there pretty much isn’t anything out there and second of all, even if I see something, it obviously has to do with my degree which was in communication/marketing/PR. Well needless to say, my public past is hindering some jobs I’d like to apply for.
Right after the website launched and my entire family found out, I got some pretty nasty emails from a couple members of my family. One in particular said that I would never be able to work in my field because of the disgrace that I was and what I did. As soon as I read this email, I actually didn’t feel bad about myself…it was just clearer for me to see where God was leading my future.
I’ve also come to the fact that if I apply to a major company and am invited back for a second interview or even get a job offer, that I need to tell them about my past. I’ve thought of giving them a link to this blog just to be upfront with them. I saw how this benefited Damien with his job. At his second interview, he told his potential boss everything about his individual past and ours together. He obviously still got the position and it gave this very public company a heads up. I am positive it’s saved his job many times especially when someone we knew called his job and reported that we were shooting pornography on campus (which wasn’t the case) and another time when a co-worker went to HR after he found out about my website. HR already knew because Damien put it out there to begin with, therefore, there was absolutely no shock factor for the company. I would like that type of safety and trust with my employer. I know what it’s like to try to hide something and hurt the people that I care for and vice versa. It’s not a fun time and it’s the last thing I would want to put a company through, especially if the position were publicly recognized.
Anyway, I guess I just feel kinda stuck at this point in time. I’ve been laid off twice in the past year. The truth is…I know my degree or future isn’t “wasted” because I know God wants me to embrace my past, not hide it. I do plan on starting an organization one day in which I will inevitably market and possibly handle the PR myself. But I do ask God on a daily basis for guidance until then. I know I’ll know the end to this story one day!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
I’ve enjoyed playing sports since I was 10 years old. Softball was my first sport. I’ve never been one to really watch sports religiously or even have a specific team to root for. But I do enjoy it from time to time, especially going to baseball games with Damien. He loooves baseball. During season, I make it a point to sit and watch games with him just because I know it means so much (although between you and me, sitting at the TV for 4 hours isn’t exactly what I perceive to be a good use of time!).
I’ve gotten to know the names of some of the major baseball players- I might not be able to recognize them if I saw them, but I do recognize their names. So the name everyone’s talking about is of course, Alex Rodriguez. Now, I have no right to sit here and argue in detail about his use of steroids because I truly am not a baseball fanatic. But what has intrigued me with this story is the reaction of baseball fans and average people alike. People are shocked…possibly hurt…they believe he’s lying about his usage…they attack his character as a person. I understand what he did was wrong and yes, there’s been times when he has obviously avoided answering a question directly, but it kind of hit home for me. Haha...hit home…ok, anyway!
From my perspective, I can’t help but feel for A-Rod. Not to give him any leeway on his wrongs, but just to be able to look him in the eye and understand what he’s going through. I mean, I wasn’t possibly the biggest major league baseball player, but I was supposedly “good”. I was…a “great” student, a “faithful” friend, a “reliable” and “upstanding” human being, and I was…”Christian”. Boy, if I had a dollar for every time someone said my nude website didn’t match with my ‘Bible Talk’, I’d be rollin’ in it! And I don’t blame them for saying that…it kind of makes sense that if someone is trying to follow a ‘perfect’ human being, that they themselves are supposed to be perfect. Except…of course there is the fact that I am human…and A-Rod is human. It doesn’t make it okay, but the inevitable truth is it just happens. He did something wrong, and now it’s affecting his career and the way people view him as an individual. Is he remorseful? I hope so. But maybe he’s not there yet. Maybe he still does have some soul searching to do before he really comes to terms with what he did.
I guess going through what I went through with making a very public mistake and feeling like the world was after me helps me to identify with people who have done the same thing. I just wonder how many people with mistakes in their closet are the ones speaking publicly about how wrong A-Rod is and how he should NEVER be able to do this or that…i.e.: lack of forgiveness?? There are consequences for our actions --- but how long are we going to act like they only go one way and somehow never affect us? A-Rod …possibly you...me…have done some awful things and WE are going to face those consequences, but that doesn’t justify anyone else’s’ wrong-doings. It just means we’re all human…we all make mistakes…and we ALL need forgiveness.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Hello Viewers! Today is the day! The day of my very first post of my very first online blog. This is exciting. I appreciate you if you are reading this whether you're intrigued or disgusted! I have been praying about this day for awhile now. It was a few months ago that I started to feel discontent for no reason at all and that always means I need to take a step back and really look at my life. I realized I was ignoring a passion that's been on my heart for years now. You see, I feel God revealed to me that He would be using my past as a major ingredient in my future. I just always thought it was so big a mission, it would be years until I was 'ready', or 'equipped', to start anything...be anything. But I realized other people out in the world...you...were bringing my mission to me. I began receiving messages and comments with topics of all kinds, but mostly having to do with the nude website I did. I wanted to communicate back and usually did. But the communication could only go so far and living a busy life, sometimes it just wasn't thought about. That really bothered me and that's why a blog seemed to be a viable answer! The Internet is where people are contacting me and by having an established place to go to on a regular basis, none will be forgotten. I would love to hear your thoughts. So I hope your reactions are sincere and that you'll be a part of this great adventure!