As certain things happen in my life, a majority of society would see them as ‘bad things’, and I can hear these people in my head saying, “I told you so.”
Recently, three major opportunities have opened up. They were opportunities that would have been educational, financially beneficial, and all around great experiences for myself and my family. All three of them came and went very similarly.
I was encouraged. I was loved. ……….I was accepted. As I told you before, I only bring up my past and what I’m doing about it now – if necessary. And that was the case. With two of the opportunities, it was necessary, the other one was not.
Let me stop and answer your question…..”Why is it necessary to even bring up your past, Justine?”
Well, agreeing with many of your stances, if someone has done something awful in their past, so what? Especially if they’re not doing it anymore – what’s the big deal? I firmly believe not everyone is required nor expected to lay their past on the line. However, my case is a little different.
I haven’t only made mistakes that I’m not proud of – not only are they all over the Internet – I am the one promoting my past. I am the one who started a blog. I am the one with the ministry – a cause of attention. I’m the one that could possibly, yes, lead someone to actually look at my solo girl site.
This is the problem and why sometimes it is quite necessary for me to say something.
Ok, back to the topic. In all three instances (the one I didn’t tell ended up being told), after leading me to believe that I was accepted, within a few days, my excitement was squashed like a worm on a bad day.
The overall theme? “It’s not you, Justine. You’re great. What you’re doing with your life is amazing. However, because it is unknown how it would affect us personally and us as a whole, unfortunately, we can’t accept you.”
So…… I’ve actually been on this journey since January. They didn’t all happen at once. But each time….it hit me like I got punched in the face. The first time I balled my eyes out. The second time I held my composure but I think it was definitely a harder blow than the first. And the third time came on as just a way of life.
Here’s where I think most people would start discouraging my vision. “Are you sure this is what God told you to do? Is it worth it? What about your family? See? You shouldn’t be broadcasting your life like this………………………………………………………I told you so.”
Well. Thank you so much for your concern. Those thoughts do, in fact, cross my mind. Here’s my answer…
“Yes……I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Because of God and for many other reasons. I believe God provides my needs especially when I’m fulfilling His will, therefore, I have full comfort that we will be taken care of. I can’t focus on the here and now. I need to focus on what this will be in 30 years.”
Today, while doing some work, a thought dawned on me.
This is why girls go back to the industry.
They quit. They try to move on. They’re qualified. They’re ready and willing to change. Maybe they realize they're actually not qualified. And they get hit with rejection after rejection after rejection. And they think….”Hell…I’ll just go back to making $1000 a day. At least there, I feel like I'm worth something.” (Isn't it ironic how money and acceptance makes getting slapped, choked, or ejaculated on more bearable than real life rejections?)
In all three of my experiences, very instrumental and beneficial moments happened….a new enlightenment occurred….a life changing conversation happened….a new path was revealed in my life.
There will be many times along our paths in life that God will teach us lessons. Sometimes, like in my case, it might come in sort of a pattern. What’s the lesson? Find it. Learn it. And just because you hit road blocks, it doesn’t mean you need to turn around. You just might be learning something you’re going to need to know in order to get over obstacles in the future.