Do you guys remember my post, In Somebody Else's Words, when I introduced you to the site, iamsecond.com?
Well, I didn’t mention it then but Nate Larkin is the author of the book Samson and the Pirate Monks. The book is about his gradual acceleration into a secret life of lies, porn, and sex. Nate was like many of you, just a normal man and husband, but he was also pastor with a ministry. Knowing that he was a fraud to his friends and family, he came clean about his struggle with sexual integrity. And there his story began.
As one goes through a life changing lesson, there might be a predominant message to be communicated coming out the other side. For Nate, one of his main messages is to call men into authentic relationships with one another, creating community. For men, this is no easy task and I thoroughly appreciate his stance and focal point on the topic.
I also didn’t mention that it was Nate’s book that Damien’s ‘men's group’ had just finished. Therefore, both Damien and I grew to be fans of the book and of Nate himself.
I found out that Nate had become a main blogger for xxxChurch.com and through this, found out he and his wife were to attend a training by xxxChurch down in Miami, FL . His wife was then going to volunteer at xxxChurch’s booth during the porn show.
I decided to follow my gut and do something I normally never would. Damien helped me reach out to Nate and we arranged a meeting. I made the drive down to Miami and for 90 minutes, enjoyed priceless conversation over fish and steak tacos. I’d like to thank Nate for taking the time out of his busy schedule to meet and share his experiences and listen to my story. The knowledge and wisdom gained through our acquaintance will never be forgotten.
Since I had taken the drive down there, I figured I might as well enjoy some of Miami-ami! It turned out I was right next to a popular outdoor pedestrian mall so I decided to check it out. People in Miami are surprisingly different. It was hard to believe I was only several hours away from where I live my life. But here’s what really caught me off guard:
I was waiting at a light to cross the street and over to my left was a very tall man I had seen before with tattoos all over his arms. And next to him was a very pretty blond, who I had also seen before. Where had I seen these people before?! Oh yes……a documentary……about porn!! Right next to me was a very famous female porn star and she started walking as the ‘walking’ symbol appeared.
I began to move and couldn't help but observe her. I never thought I’d run into a porn star, let alone one I recognized. She was thin……..short……dressed like any other person walking around….shopping……she was real…..with her husband.
Then the inevitable thoughts entered my mind….”I wonder what type of marital problems they have? I wonder if her having sex for a living affects their sex life and how? … Strip all the spiritual and moral stuff away, being married and maintaining a normal sex life is hard for any couple. How much more would that be magnified if you had to work through the issues that the adult industry would bring?”
Then they walked into McDonald's and she kept her sunglasses on..…I wondered if that was because she didn’t want anyone to recognize her if she could help it.
From that point on, I felt like every scantily clad woman might be a porn star! I pondered this observance and thought back to those few days in my life, when I actually wanted to be a solo girl. I would have loved to walk down an outdoor pedestrian mall, feeling sexy and confident. If I would have stayed in the industry, I realized I could have been walking side by side with that porn star for a very different reason than the one I was there for. It could have been for the same reason. I could have been attending the same porn show for the same motives.
MAN - It's crazy how my life and desires have done a complete 180!!
And for the record…..I’d trade a solo girl career and a porn show for a wisdom filled conversation with Nate Larkin any day!
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