Tension-filled, awkward situations have become the story of my life these past 4-5 years. I’ve learned to embrace them and learn from them. I think families, in particular, do everything that they can to avoid awkward situations. Either by….choosing not to show up when someone else does, withdrawing from the family, or my personal favorite, sweeping the issues under the rug and doing everything possible to avoid it altogether. This, however, does not mean feelings are unfelt. Most likely, there’s that stiff feeling in the air that everyone feels and few acknowledge.
For me, I observed that if I just welcome this uneasy feeling, embrace it – then I can control it. I can control how it affects me and the way it makes me feel. I had to come to this, I believe, since I am usually the cause of the ‘awkward’ situations that I’ve grown so accustomed to. This is not limited to just my families. I have seen people in my life, as a group and as separate individuals, take the roller coaster ride of unforgiveness, tolerance, acceptance, and then eventually, love. It is not my duty to determine whether they are where I think they ‘should be’, although that is sometimes difficult.
Sometimes, there’s ‘good tension’. This usually comes during the acceptance stage. Maybe there’s a reason they’ve had to become accepting…..a work situation, a holiday such as Christmas, they figured ‘it’s time’, or maybe they’ve determined, “it’s for the greater good”.
Bad tension can be a little more intimidating. This might happen when two people have to be in the same room when they’d prefer not to be. Maybe this is still in the unforgiveness stage which is the hardest- glances and stares that could kill; tension you could slice with a knife. Or the ‘tolerance’ stage – where tension is definitely heated, glances might still be there, but there’s an overriding ‘let’s just get through this’ agreement in the room. This could also take place in a work environment, a family get-together, a court room, or maybe a school function for the kids.
Either way, everyone involved in the situation has an opportunity to grow as a person. I think the reason why people have a hard time with ‘tension’ is because it requires compromise and sometimes, the dreaded aspect of ‘humility’. Humility is somehow thought of as ‘defeated’. Therefore, a righteous attitude is developed. “Why should I have to deal with this? Why should I have to humble myself for this person? They deserve what they’ve chosen….I’m just going to take care of me.” So, I guess there’s also another aspect which needs to be mentioned: Grace. Grace travels outside of karma. Showing grace to someone who the world thinks ‘doesn’t deserve it’, is one of the most precious forms of communicating love I have ever known.
Who in your life could you show a little grace to? When is the next ‘tension-filled’ moment you expect between you and your family, co-workers, or friends? How can you embrace the situation so that you feel comfortable in your own skin, and therefore affect the room with your positive approach? Are you the person in the room that’s causing the tension? What do you need to change in your mind so that you can free yourself of that burden?
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3 comments:
Hi Justine,
I just found this blog,obviously while looking-up Dawson Miller. It's an interesting site, and you certainly seem sincere. I have a question that might not be in keeping with the theme of this blog, but I'm curious to know if you have heard from any of the girls/young woman who are in the "industry". If so, how are their experiences similar or different from yours ?
Jim,
Having only met 1 girl while I was in the industry, most of the girls I've heard of or read about have been after the fact of me leaving. My experience is that those who are in the industry, don't really have anything negative to say in their blogs, diaries, etc. And the girls that have left and decided to speak out, are very vocal about what they did not like about the industry. Some of those girls are Christian, some aren't. Overall, those that have chosen to speak afterwards, all tend to be very candid about what they were 'really' thinking and going through during that time; which usually wasn't positive.
Justine, I read Jim's question and it would seem I've met more people in the industry than you, which is kind of strange in itself since I have absolutely nothing to do with porn other than being an admirer of the female form.
However, a few years back I attended the CES tradeshow in Las Vegas as a company rep. In my free time, what little I had, I ventured over to the adult video convention (AVN?) that was going on at the same time and same hotel as CES.
Wearing a nice suit and tie, along with an exhibitor badge showing the large consumer electronics company that I represented, I was treated very nicely. To be honest, it was fun to let them think I was there "scoping out" new commercial opportunities. Laughable, really.
Anyways, up till then I'd never actually met a "pornstar" in person, although I'd certainly seen a few videos. I was taken aback by how awful they looked up close. These were young women, barely 19 or 20 years old, who looked coked up, worn out and haggard. I met the famous Jenna Jamison there, and some other women who were big names at the time. Horrible skin! Loud, rude, drunk and obnoxious. And fat! How does the camera hide overweight? Each had a "manager" standing by, usually some pimp-looking guy much older and with even worse looking teeth.
Truly, if you want to rid the world of porn addiction, have them all attend an AVN show.
Best of luck to you.
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