Readers:
I am thinking of ways to best handle this and I'd like your opinions. Sometimes, I get comments with sentences that are SO inappropriate that I will post them after editing them. The problem is, I can't edit them and post them as a comment. If I edit them, I have to post it as an actual post and to be frank, some comments just don't deserve that much attention. :) On the contrary, sometimes I receive comments via e-mail that have some great points.
I would like those who disagree with me to feel they can post their thoughts/feelings. However, because I respect those who read this blog, I won't allow any flippant, visual sexual verbiage, etc.
I am thinking whenever necessary, maybe once or twice a month, to post a 'cluster' of comments I had to edit or from my e-mail. What do you think? Everything would be anonymous, of course.
Thanks for any input.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Tiger Woods Press Conference
Today was Tiger's press conference. His first appearance to the public was moving, in my opinion. I couldn't possibly imagine addressing the world on that scale. But it was necessary. For himself, his program, his fans, and those who love him and are witnessing this process that he's going through.
Although Tiger was very professional with his approach, there seemed to be many moments of sincerity. A few thoughts on what he said:
It brought to light the thought that anyone participating in any immoral act, doesn't weigh their 'costs' appropriately. "What will this cost me if it gets found out?" I'm not saying they're ignorant and don't know what the costs are...but rather careless in their process of thinking. So many people are looking at Tiger wondering, "weren't Elin and the kids enough?", "wasn't your career enough to keep you from making such detrimental decisions?"
You'd think so, huh?.............however..............on a massive scale like Tigers, or one like mine, or just little immoral steps taken on a day-to-day basis, there seems to be a definite lack of thorough consequence acknowledgment.
When he was sleeping with those women, he probably wasn't thinking about how it could affect his marriage, reputation, or the millions of teens lives he's help change. Now - all those people are left to wonder and are confused.
He has accepted full responsibility for his actions. He hasn't made any excuses. He's said he's sorry and that he was wrong. He said he felt the rules didn't apply to him but he's learned they do, just like every one else. He did mentioned that money and fame made his secret like easier. He also said it's hard to admit that he needs help...but knows he does. These are all statements made in the right direction in terms of 'recovery'.
He mentioned needing to live a life of integrity so that he "never repeats mistakes". For someone of his status, and the expectations he now has to live up to, I worry about him staying honest. He did say he was getting support from other peers and I hope that continues. If all seems to go well for awhile and people stop asking questions, it will be harder for him to remain honest. I'm not even saying he'll physically cheat again. But the emotional attachment to attractive women, or any other possible interests such as pornography could quickly lead him into a secret life again. As I said, this is just a worry - I truly hope for the amount of money he's paying in therapy, they will set every important aspect in place.
He talked about his faith and how he lost track of what he was taught growing up...that "a craving for things outside of ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security." I respect where every one is coming from, but as you all have questions for me, my question would be, "When your craving is so natural, that even after all the years of hurt, struggle, embarrassment, and therapy - it's still there....when you realize you, yourself, are not secure enough....who do you turn to, then?"
Is the craving itself what makes you unhappy, or just acting on it?
He ended by asking those around him for help; for them to leave room in their heart to one day believe in him again.
I truly hope Tiger is taking each and every step with caution...realizing where he will run into problems in the future. I do believe he will struggle. I pray with a mighty heart that he and Elin will remain together and be an example for the Hollywood society we live in. Unfortunately, there will be those who judge, especially if Tiger messes up again....but the important thing is only Elin and Tiger know where they stand.
The only people they need to be transparent with is each other. Regardless of being 'Tiger Woods' the golfer with all of his endorsements and kids looking up to him, the key thing that is going to get his marriage through this is being 'Tiger Woods' as a husband and being real with his wife.
Although Tiger was very professional with his approach, there seemed to be many moments of sincerity. A few thoughts on what he said:
It brought to light the thought that anyone participating in any immoral act, doesn't weigh their 'costs' appropriately. "What will this cost me if it gets found out?" I'm not saying they're ignorant and don't know what the costs are...but rather careless in their process of thinking. So many people are looking at Tiger wondering, "weren't Elin and the kids enough?", "wasn't your career enough to keep you from making such detrimental decisions?"
You'd think so, huh?.............however..............on a massive scale like Tigers, or one like mine, or just little immoral steps taken on a day-to-day basis, there seems to be a definite lack of thorough consequence acknowledgment.
When he was sleeping with those women, he probably wasn't thinking about how it could affect his marriage, reputation, or the millions of teens lives he's help change. Now - all those people are left to wonder and are confused.
He has accepted full responsibility for his actions. He hasn't made any excuses. He's said he's sorry and that he was wrong. He said he felt the rules didn't apply to him but he's learned they do, just like every one else. He did mentioned that money and fame made his secret like easier. He also said it's hard to admit that he needs help...but knows he does. These are all statements made in the right direction in terms of 'recovery'.
He mentioned needing to live a life of integrity so that he "never repeats mistakes". For someone of his status, and the expectations he now has to live up to, I worry about him staying honest. He did say he was getting support from other peers and I hope that continues. If all seems to go well for awhile and people stop asking questions, it will be harder for him to remain honest. I'm not even saying he'll physically cheat again. But the emotional attachment to attractive women, or any other possible interests such as pornography could quickly lead him into a secret life again. As I said, this is just a worry - I truly hope for the amount of money he's paying in therapy, they will set every important aspect in place.
He talked about his faith and how he lost track of what he was taught growing up...that "a craving for things outside of ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security." I respect where every one is coming from, but as you all have questions for me, my question would be, "When your craving is so natural, that even after all the years of hurt, struggle, embarrassment, and therapy - it's still there....when you realize you, yourself, are not secure enough....who do you turn to, then?"
Is the craving itself what makes you unhappy, or just acting on it?
He ended by asking those around him for help; for them to leave room in their heart to one day believe in him again.
I truly hope Tiger is taking each and every step with caution...realizing where he will run into problems in the future. I do believe he will struggle. I pray with a mighty heart that he and Elin will remain together and be an example for the Hollywood society we live in. Unfortunately, there will be those who judge, especially if Tiger messes up again....but the important thing is only Elin and Tiger know where they stand.
The only people they need to be transparent with is each other. Regardless of being 'Tiger Woods' the golfer with all of his endorsements and kids looking up to him, the key thing that is going to get his marriage through this is being 'Tiger Woods' as a husband and being real with his wife.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
SO!
Well....Thank you to those who shared their thoughts on the anonymous comment.
I'm sitting here eating my 'protein pizza' (I'm on a health kick lately) and I'm thinking about how bizarre this whole "judgement" stuff is.
It's a mentality really...."I won't judge you if you don't judge me"........"I'm not one to judge".......when someone has an opinion about a situation, they're automatically 'judging'.
On the other side of the token, there's, "He/She deserves to be judged"...."If he/she didn't want to be judged, they should have thought twice about XYZ."
When is it okay to judge? Or is it never okay?
What's the different between judging someone......and expressing your beliefs because you truly care about that person and their situation?
Well...if you don't mind me sharing my two cents...since this is my blog after all:
If I were to answer that last question, I would say the only thing that's different is the motivation behind the judgement. I think expressing your beliefs because you truly care about someone and their situation essentially means you had to judge their situation in the first place.
However.
This, I feel, is appropriate when a) Your attitude is in the right place (through prayer) b) You know just about every detail of this person and their situation and/or c) that person has allowed you to give your opinion.
The misconception I think people miss is it's okay to judge, at the right time, with the right mind set/attitude. I do not see the value in judging someone if the person judging is currently practicing the same act or if their attitude is not right.
NOTE:
I said, "currently".
Is anyone out there wondering, "how can that girl proclaim what she proclaims and says what she says when she's been guilty of this and that and blah blah.."?
Well...if you would allow me to share my perspective, I will.
I had an affair with a married man.
He left his family for me.
I did a nude website.
While I'm at it, I lost my virginity when I was 14.
I've smoked pot.
I drank in middle and high school.
You get the idea.
I am not meaning to be flippant when I refer to such delicate, painful, and destructive acts in my life. I listed those things out because each one of those are acts that I have participated in. Each one of those things I eventually realized my destructive behavior and by the grace of God, was able to turn around and stop living that way. It wasn't all at the same time. There were many different phases.
Each one of those things, I can look someone in the eye and tell them,
"Here's why I wouldn't smoke pot"
"Here's why I wouldn't drink illegally"
"Here's why I would wait until I get married to have sex"
"Here's why I wouldn't suggest doing a nude website"
"Here's why I would stop seeing that married man"
It's because I've lived it, got hurt from it, learned form it, stopped living that way, turned my life around, and am 100% not participating in the act anymore.
Going through the experience of a nude website and learning about the role of porn in this world has heightened my senses to the every day messages being shoved down our throats. Not everyone has gone through my experience.......so why wouldn't I share?
Because it's not my place?
It's much more than that....it's my responsibility.
SO!
Going back to my point.....I think it's unfortunate people take judgement the wrong way when it can actually be meant for good. The Bible says to first be kind and forgiving to that person, pray before confronting them so that you, yourself, have the right attitude, to be careful, as well as not to judge if you're doing the same thing. (Ephesians 4:32, Galatians 6:1)
I also found this excerpt from one of my favorite resource sites: www.gotquestions.org:
"...one of the most often quoted scriptures is "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1 KJV). Taken out of context, the verse has been used to incorrectly justify never taking a stand on anything that would require a judgment to be made. Rather, the verse is referring to hypocritical, self-righteous, unfair kinds of judgment, especially where the confronter is guilty of the same sin as the one being confronted."
I'm sitting here eating my 'protein pizza' (I'm on a health kick lately) and I'm thinking about how bizarre this whole "judgement" stuff is.
It's a mentality really...."I won't judge you if you don't judge me"........"I'm not one to judge".......when someone has an opinion about a situation, they're automatically 'judging'.
On the other side of the token, there's, "He/She deserves to be judged"...."If he/she didn't want to be judged, they should have thought twice about XYZ."
When is it okay to judge? Or is it never okay?
What's the different between judging someone......and expressing your beliefs because you truly care about that person and their situation?
Well...if you don't mind me sharing my two cents...since this is my blog after all:
If I were to answer that last question, I would say the only thing that's different is the motivation behind the judgement. I think expressing your beliefs because you truly care about someone and their situation essentially means you had to judge their situation in the first place.
However.
This, I feel, is appropriate when a) Your attitude is in the right place (through prayer) b) You know just about every detail of this person and their situation and/or c) that person has allowed you to give your opinion.
The misconception I think people miss is it's okay to judge, at the right time, with the right mind set/attitude. I do not see the value in judging someone if the person judging is currently practicing the same act or if their attitude is not right.
NOTE:
I said, "currently".
Is anyone out there wondering, "how can that girl proclaim what she proclaims and says what she says when she's been guilty of this and that and blah blah.."?
Well...if you would allow me to share my perspective, I will.
I had an affair with a married man.
He left his family for me.
I did a nude website.
While I'm at it, I lost my virginity when I was 14.
I've smoked pot.
I drank in middle and high school.
You get the idea.
I am not meaning to be flippant when I refer to such delicate, painful, and destructive acts in my life. I listed those things out because each one of those are acts that I have participated in. Each one of those things I eventually realized my destructive behavior and by the grace of God, was able to turn around and stop living that way. It wasn't all at the same time. There were many different phases.
Each one of those things, I can look someone in the eye and tell them,
"Here's why I wouldn't smoke pot"
"Here's why I wouldn't drink illegally"
"Here's why I would wait until I get married to have sex"
"Here's why I wouldn't suggest doing a nude website"
"Here's why I would stop seeing that married man"
It's because I've lived it, got hurt from it, learned form it, stopped living that way, turned my life around, and am 100% not participating in the act anymore.
Going through the experience of a nude website and learning about the role of porn in this world has heightened my senses to the every day messages being shoved down our throats. Not everyone has gone through my experience.......so why wouldn't I share?
Because it's not my place?
It's much more than that....it's my responsibility.
SO!
Going back to my point.....I think it's unfortunate people take judgement the wrong way when it can actually be meant for good. The Bible says to first be kind and forgiving to that person, pray before confronting them so that you, yourself, have the right attitude, to be careful, as well as not to judge if you're doing the same thing. (Ephesians 4:32, Galatians 6:1)
I also found this excerpt from one of my favorite resource sites: www.gotquestions.org:
"...one of the most often quoted scriptures is "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1 KJV). Taken out of context, the verse has been used to incorrectly justify never taking a stand on anything that would require a judgment to be made. Rather, the verse is referring to hypocritical, self-righteous, unfair kinds of judgment, especially where the confronter is guilty of the same sin as the one being confronted."
Saturday, February 13, 2010
First Year Anniversary!!!
Happy First Year Anniversary to all of my readers who have been with me since February 13, 2009 when I posted my very first post!
When I think back on the past year of blogging, I have to say without sounding too cliche, that it definitely doesn't seem like I've been posting that long. The e-mails and comments I've received have mostly been constructive ;) and I have appreciated every single one of them.
It's been miraculous for me thus far and I truly hope it's been that way for you. Whether you've been reading for a year, just started, or somewhere in between, I hope you've gained some insight into who I am as a person as well as possibly feel a little challenged yourself. Because God is so gracious, he as given me the honor to be a part of the impact He's had on some of your lives and let me just say I've been left speechless many times. Some of your e-mails and stories have definitely brought tears to my eyes and I thank you for sharing your stories as I've shared mine. I pray that God continues to work miracles in all of your lives. Thank you as well for your prayers.
I have some exciting news! I thought what better time to launch something than the first year anniversary of this blog! Please visit my new website, www.justinejacobs.com. It will be a centralized location for links to my blog, Youtube page, bio, as well as a new facebook page.
There will be minor changes to the site here and there until it's just he way I like it but for the most part, it's complete :)
As always, please please please e-mail/comment any suggestions and thoughts!
I hope if you have a significant other, that you have planned something special (not necessarily outrageous!) for Valentine's Day! If you're flyin' solo, I hope you do something special for yourself!
When I think back on the past year of blogging, I have to say without sounding too cliche, that it definitely doesn't seem like I've been posting that long. The e-mails and comments I've received have mostly been constructive ;) and I have appreciated every single one of them.
It's been miraculous for me thus far and I truly hope it's been that way for you. Whether you've been reading for a year, just started, or somewhere in between, I hope you've gained some insight into who I am as a person as well as possibly feel a little challenged yourself. Because God is so gracious, he as given me the honor to be a part of the impact He's had on some of your lives and let me just say I've been left speechless many times. Some of your e-mails and stories have definitely brought tears to my eyes and I thank you for sharing your stories as I've shared mine. I pray that God continues to work miracles in all of your lives. Thank you as well for your prayers.
I have some exciting news! I thought what better time to launch something than the first year anniversary of this blog! Please visit my new website, www.justinejacobs.com. It will be a centralized location for links to my blog, Youtube page, bio, as well as a new facebook page.
There will be minor changes to the site here and there until it's just he way I like it but for the most part, it's complete :)
As always, please please please e-mail/comment any suggestions and thoughts!
I hope if you have a significant other, that you have planned something special (not necessarily outrageous!) for Valentine's Day! If you're flyin' solo, I hope you do something special for yourself!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Anonymous
Readers:
Please take the time to read the Anonymous comment that I received to the post just before this titled, "What's the Bigger Picture?"
"Wow, I can't even read this anymore. Please take care not to fall off your high horse, lest your head fall off. You had an affair with a married man and destroyed his family and your own. [removed due to content]. You are suffering the consequences of said affair and are justifying it at every turn. Now you are judging OTHER women for doing something you did? Girl, please. You are not any better than anyone else. You are not Jesus, and you do not get to judge. Wow, I am honestly irrationally angry at this post. You advertised all over the place. For God's sake, you sent us a zip file of pictures of the two of you! Do not even play this game. Ugh, you are a VILE person who has learned nothing. You and Damien deserve each other."
There are details in this comment that I need to address which I will in the near future. Whether for readers, or other family members, it seems certain things need to be clarified. (not justified, clarified).
However...I thought to myself...why not allow my readers to respond?
So readers...please do. If you feel it necessary, I would like to hear your thoughts on this particlar comment. To be honest, I've been waiting for a comment like this. They're everywhere else my story is, but for some reason not my blog. It's good for me to know what others are thinking.
Please take the time to read the Anonymous comment that I received to the post just before this titled, "What's the Bigger Picture?"
"Wow, I can't even read this anymore. Please take care not to fall off your high horse, lest your head fall off. You had an affair with a married man and destroyed his family and your own. [removed due to content]. You are suffering the consequences of said affair and are justifying it at every turn. Now you are judging OTHER women for doing something you did? Girl, please. You are not any better than anyone else. You are not Jesus, and you do not get to judge. Wow, I am honestly irrationally angry at this post. You advertised all over the place. For God's sake, you sent us a zip file of pictures of the two of you! Do not even play this game. Ugh, you are a VILE person who has learned nothing. You and Damien deserve each other."
There are details in this comment that I need to address which I will in the near future. Whether for readers, or other family members, it seems certain things need to be clarified. (not justified, clarified).
However...I thought to myself...why not allow my readers to respond?
So readers...please do. If you feel it necessary, I would like to hear your thoughts on this particlar comment. To be honest, I've been waiting for a comment like this. They're everywhere else my story is, but for some reason not my blog. It's good for me to know what others are thinking.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
What's the Bigger Picture?
On a popular radio station this evening…..the radio personality was talking about how a surprisingly high percentage of women have been late picking up their kids from day care because they were having an affair. A lady called in and the question was asking, “Have you ever been late to pick up your kids from day care?” In which she answered, “yessss…because I was having an affaairrr. (laughing)” The radio personalities joined in her laughter and they inquired for more detail……”It was a guy I worked with and he was actually the one married…not me.” There was some more laughter and one of the radio personalities commented on how “excited” the caller seemed about the entire situation.
Umm……….Question #1: Why did the caller call in? Well…obviously because she heard the topic being discussed and thought to herself, “hey- I’ve done that exact same thing! Let me call in and talk about it!” She was, of course, met with acceptance, laughter, and attention on the radio.
Question #2: What got communicated by the caller calling in? Well…first off, if a topic is blatantly talked about on the radio- how bad could my situation be? Secondly, being late to pick up your child isn’t necessarily okay, but yet somehow glanced over at the scandalously gushy details of having an affair. Essentially, it was all in ‘good fun’ and we can all laugh about it….no harm done, right?
Question #3: Since when does having an affair become such a light-hearted topic? This wasn’t a debate as to the possible destruction of an affair….whether it’s good or bad….different peoples’ opinions…….this was a celebration of infidelity and irresponsibility of being a parent.
Anyone laughing?
Umm……….Question #1: Why did the caller call in? Well…obviously because she heard the topic being discussed and thought to herself, “hey- I’ve done that exact same thing! Let me call in and talk about it!” She was, of course, met with acceptance, laughter, and attention on the radio.
Question #2: What got communicated by the caller calling in? Well…first off, if a topic is blatantly talked about on the radio- how bad could my situation be? Secondly, being late to pick up your child isn’t necessarily okay, but yet somehow glanced over at the scandalously gushy details of having an affair. Essentially, it was all in ‘good fun’ and we can all laugh about it….no harm done, right?
Question #3: Since when does having an affair become such a light-hearted topic? This wasn’t a debate as to the possible destruction of an affair….whether it’s good or bad….different peoples’ opinions…….this was a celebration of infidelity and irresponsibility of being a parent.
Anyone laughing?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
